Disclaimer:- These are all my thoughts and opinions. You may have had different experiences and may have heard different stories. This is what I have heard and I am not forcing you to follow it.
In India, everyone says after marriage girls lose their freedom. My friend tells me to wear shorts now, because after marriage it might not be possible. Why should anyone control what I wear? I’ve come across so many people who are unhappy, so why do people get married? Here are my reasons why I will not get married to a guy (I might, if I find a guy like Benji from ‘ItsJudysLife’. Well, I’ve only seen what they post online, who knows what goes on for real, but if I can find a guy like him for real, then great).
- Marriage here is more like business. How much money can the bride’s family give. How much of your dad’s money can you invest in the future groom’s family? How much money can the bride’s family spend on the marriage? How much dowry can the bride give? Yes, it is ‘illegal’ but it exists because its our custom and we must follow it or else how will you face the society, at least the ‘customs’ have to be followed from where I come from. A family friend was asked to give the groom a wardrobe and bed as dowry, because, otherwise where will she sleep and store her clothes in? It upsets me so much. He’s marrying her for the stuff she can give? She has a job anyways, can’t they both earn? Why does he want her dad’s money? My friend was asked for 10,000 USD. She didn’t marry him, obviously.
- The girl always has to do the work. I was at my building gym. The lady beside me was talking to another lady about how her husband never does any work around the house, he doesn’t even get up to get water for himself! She does it for him. Why? Why can’t a person get up, go to the kitchen and eat or drink whatever they want? Why does the wife have to do it? It’s bullshit. (Note: She was loud while talking)
- Fighting over petty issues like the TV remote or some window being open too much or too less or putting less oil on a roti. Why can’t the person who wants to make changes do it himself? Why does the wife have to do it? It’s easy telling someone to do it. This is ridiculous. Fighting over such stupid trivial issues wastes so much time and energy. It consumes your mind, and makes you inefficient. I hear these issues at my building gym, can you imagine how much the ladies think about it? And their thoughts have traveled to me and I’m writing them down for everyone else to see, because it’s on my mind and I disagree and I just have to rant.
- Male ego. This is another age old issue. Why can’t there be women ego? Men can’t hold a baby in their stomach for 9 months can they? They can’t experience the pain even if they wanted to. In a home, everything should be equal. Why should I sign up for marriage only to get trapped and forced to respect some frigging man just because he’s a man? Listen to everything he says just because he’s a man? Get him a glass of water just because he’s a man? No thanks.
- Job:- Women are supposed to quit their jobs and support their Husbands(cook, clean etc). Why can’t they both support each other? Some men do that, I think, because we have a female director in my company, and I’m sure it’s because she has the support. Why are women made to be dependent on men? Nah, I aint signing up for this shit.
- Cheating. I know so many people who either have their mom or dad cheating. One guy’s mom sacrificed her job, tolerated physical abuse, cooked and cleaned, she’d never let her husband do any work, but that didn’t stop her husband from cheating. A friend’s mom cheated, and even after finding out, they are still together because, if they got a divorce, what would our society say? Another friend told me that his parents are unhappy together. It’s depressing to hear such news. Why have secret extra marital affairs? Divorce, and then do whatever you want right? Why be so unhappy and tolerate everything? We only have one life to live.
- A friend of mine earns and sufferers from physical abuse. Why? Its stupid. She should have her own freedom, she should be able to live her life happily.
- Protection:- single Indian women apparently aren’t safe. I don’t know how much this is true, but I’ve seen women guard their husband. Trust me. And if India is not safe for women, why live here? I’d rather live in a country that is safe for women. Maybe USA, or Canada or Switzerland, a place where there are single women happily living their lives.
There are so many negative stories here, I am very reluctant to get married, and I am sure people are going to comment about how it’s not as bad as what I’ve written here. But think about it, I’m sure you might have a cousin, or a sister, or someone who bickers about their in laws. All I know that I am not getting married(not that I was going to get married now, but I’ve been hearing a lot and I had to get it all out), at least not to a guy with a 18th century mindset. I also know a few couples who are happy. But I think I’m going to listen to the ‘modern’ thirty something year old women at the gym and observe the after effects of marriage.
When I went to a friend’s house, his wife says ‘Everyone tells you not to get married, but you don’t listen and get married anyways’. There a song named ‘Zor Ka Jhatka’ in a Bollywood movie, Action Replay. I’m actually going to listen to that adviceand song and save my self from getting trapped. Marriage here should be named to Trapped.
Until next time,